


better wake those demons (just look them in the eye)

by lavi0123



Series: wake that spirit, i wanna hear it [6]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aang (Avatar)-centric, Aang Week 2021, Gen, Prompt 6: Grief, does aang forgive him? unclear! he doesn't have to anyway, in which zuko apologizes for his racism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:07:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29725308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavi0123/pseuds/lavi0123
Summary: A child should have no understanding of grief.But in this, Aang is not exempt for long. Only twelve years pass in joy and happiness. He remembers the exact moment when it all falls apart.Or: Aang is no stranger to grief, and it follows him throughout the war.
Relationships: Aang & Air Nomads (Avatar), Aang & Gyatso (Avatar), Aang & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: wake that spirit, i wanna hear it [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2175876
Comments: 6
Kudos: 39





	better wake those demons (just look them in the eye)

A child should have no understanding of grief.

But in this, Aang is not exempt for long. Only twelve years pass in joy and happiness, ten of which Gyatso spends protecting him from his fate and duties. He remembers the exact moment when it all falls apart.

“How do you know it’s me?”

They have an answer for him–of course they have an answer, why would they call him the Avatar if they had no proof?

“We need you, Aang.”

Even though Gyatso is the one who says it, he lets Aang shake his head. He lets the young boy run back to his room, head whirling. Aang’s thoughts spin and crash into each other in a spiraling mess, and he closes his eyes and _breathes_.

Eavesdropping is his first mistake.

“Gyatso, I know you mean well, but you are letting your affection for the boy cloud your judgment.”

“I want what is best for him.”

“But what we _need_ is what's _best for the world_. You and Aang must be separated! The Avatar will be sent away to the Eastern Air Temple to complete his training.”

Gyatso looks so very, very tired.

Something inside Aang _breaks_.

He runs away, leaving only a scribbled note dotted with stray ink and his own tears.

That is his second mistake.

* * *

He wakes up a hundred years later to his people dead, his friends scattered, and his Temple…

His Temple is in _ruins_.

But it’s fine. He can handle that. He’s the Avatar, it’s been a hundred years, of course the Temple is ruined. But it’s okay. They can rebuild, _he_ can–

And then he finds the skeleton. So frail, so broken, so…

So _lifeless_.

He only remembers the _scream_ tearing from his throat as he sinks to his knees and laments.

When he wakes, when he sees his (new, not-dead, alive, naive) friends staring at him with something like fear, something cold settles in his heart.

He can’t give up the Avatar State, but not long after, he gives up something else.

Something he’s wanted to give up ever since he first saw the extent of its destructive power.

_I’ll never firebend again._

The decision will not be permanent (it can't be), but for now, it comforts him.

* * *

He never expects anything to come of going to the Fire Nation school. If anything, he expects it to be a nice reprieve, a chance to be a _kid_ again, to laugh and have fun with kids his own age, before duty sweeps in and takes it all from him again.

Of course, this is all before he hears his people’s history _butchered_ in the classroom.

His hand snaps up so fast that he can barely catch his breath. His teacher seems a bit startled, but not enough to fully show it, as she calls on him.

“Is that a trick question?” He asks softly. “The Air Nomads didn’t have a formal military. Sozin defeated them by ambush.”

“Well, I don't know how _you_ could possibly know more than our national history book.” The teacher scoffed. “Unless you were _there_ a hundred years ago.”

_She’s...she’s right. I wasn’t there. I abandoned them when they needed me, I’m the reason they’re–_

“Kuzon?”

He startles, smiles reassuringly at On Ji, and focuses back on his work. _It’s okay. None of this matters anyway._

_Or does it?_

* * *

_“We’ll be sure to do that, Guru Goody-Goody!”_

It...really shouldn’t sting as much as it does. Zuko doesn’t mean anything by it, Aang knows that he’s just trying to help Katara and earn her forgiveness.

That doesn’t make it hurt any less.

He remembers going to the Fire Nation school. Remembers how much it hurt to hear his people’s history _butchered_ in that classroom, being jeered at for trying to present the facts.

Subconsciously, he knows it isn’t just that school. That the whole Fire Nation–maybe even all the Nations–have been taught this awful lie. That the Air Nomads struck first, that Sozin was only trying to “battle the Air Nation Army”...it makes Aang sick to think that anyone could believe his people (massacred, _dead_ , stripped of all humanity, not even given proper _funeral rites_ ) capable of so much violence.

His hands shake with the force and anger of a hundred years of rage, lifetimes upon lifetimes of anger and grief.

If Zuko focused half as much on his surroundings as he did his own self, maybe he’d notice.

When everything’s squared away, when Katara’s forgiven Zuko and both of them have reconciled with Aang (reconciliation being a loose term, but Aang pushes away that thought), Aang sits on Ember Island’s beach, inhales and exhales shakily, and thinks about Zuko’s final question.

_“What are you going to do when you face my father?”_

_Why?_ Aang wants to scream. _Why does it fall to me? What right do you have, to ask me such a question, after everything you’ve done, what you said?_

_You called my people, my traditions, Air Temple preschool._

_Did it ever occur to you to wonder why nonviolence is sewn into our skin?_

* * *

In the end, he finds a way. He’s always been resourceful like that, according to…

_According to…_

_Spirits, why can’t I remember–?_

“Aang?”

He jolts, turning to see Zuko standing at the door to the room, looking awkward as ever. “Shouldn’t you be in bed?” Aang teases.

“I could say the same to you,” Zuko counters. “But that’s not why I’m here. Do you mind if I sit?”

Aang shrugs, moving over to allow Zuko more room, and Zuko takes it immediately, sitting next to Aang almost without hesitation.

 _Is that in a firebender’s nature?_ Aang wonders. _To take a mile when given an inch, without hesitation?_

He’s being unfair. Zuko’s not like them, he knows this, so why is it so hard to believe it sometimes?

“I...I wanted to apologize.”

Aang startles. “Sorry?”

“No,” Zuko says, smiling slightly, “That’s my line.”

Aang frowns. _Is Zuko trying to make a joke?_ It’s hard to tell with him, even on a good day.

“Anyway…” Zuko clears his throat, then looks at Aang straight on, as if steeling himself. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For...for what I said when Katara and I took Appa. About the...Air Temple preschool, and Guru Goody-Goody. That...that wasn’t okay. Katara explained it to me,” he adds quickly as Aang’s expression starts to fall, “explained that...that saying those things wasn’t...it was racist. And...I knew that, obviously, but...sometimes I forgot that I wasn’t...I chose to be your ally, and proudly so, but–”

“But you still hold your father’s views,” Aang interrupts.

Zuko nods. “Yeah. And I can’t promise I’ll change overnight, but...it doesn’t make what I said any less hurtful. And I don’t...I don’t understand your culture, and I don’t think I ever will, but that doesn’t give me the right to insult it.”

Aang sighs. “Zuko...do you think I did the right thing?”

“What?”

“With your father. Was I...was I right to spare him?”

“You took away his bending,” Zuko points out. “For Ozai...that’s a fate worse than death.”

Aang’s eyes widen. “So...so should I have killed him?”

“Aang.” Zuko squeezes his hand. “You should have done whatever you believed to be _right_. And frankly, the fact that you found a solution that both took care of Ozai and preserved your values...it’s amazing, truly.”

“If it weren’t for the Lion Turtles, I would’ve killed him,” Aang blurts, startling both himself and Zuko. “No, really. I was...I was gonna do it. The other Avatars...they basically told me to, even Yangchen, and they know best, and she’s an _airbender_ , so…”

“If they’d known about the Lion Turtles,” Zuko murmurs, “do you think they would’ve disagreed with your decision?”

Aang thinks back. Thinks about “only justice will bring peace,” “you must sacrifice your spiritual duty and do what it takes to protect the world,” “you must be decisive,” “you must actively shape your own destiny.”

He was decisive. He dealt with Ozai in a way that he could never recover from. He delivered swift justice. He found a way to do all of that without sacrificing his core ideals, regardless of what _destiny_ tried to force upon him.

And even in his heart, he feels the Avatars’ pride.

But more than that...he feels the _Air Nomads’_ pride.

He feels _Gyatso’s_ pride.

“You know what?” Aang whispers, tearing up. “I think they would be proud.”

**Author's Note:**

> It was really important to me that Zuko's racism was addressed–because yeah, his remarks to Aang in TSR were racist! I don't think he was in a place to apologize just then, but after the war, when they didn't have an evil dictator to worry about? He'd certainly be like "oh crap I should apologize for that" (partly prompted by Katara, because Zuko has A LOT of unlearning to do, and an apology probably wouldn't be the first thing on his mind in that regard. Considering he spent 16 years learning anti-AN propaganda, it'd take more than a month of friendship to overcome it).
> 
> I hope I didn't rush the ending too much, but I wanted to tie Aang's grief to his choice for Ozai. Specifically, he wonders if his grief clouded his judgment, or if he really made the right choice. And I wanted to prove, once and for all, that Aang DID in fact follow the Avatars' advice and they WOULD be proud of him! Also, the monk's name who he couldn't remember wasn't Gyatso, it was someone else. I imagine all the monks were fond of Aang in his childhood.
> 
> The next oneshot previews my Soulmate AU again, in a more angsty way, so get your tissues ready!


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